if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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