If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
