True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
