i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
