Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
