Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
