i don't plan on having that self control this summer
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
