Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
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