Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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