just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
