Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
