im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize