You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
