just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
