i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
