i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
