There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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