either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
