Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I showed him my bush... on skype.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
