i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
