My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Congratulations! We have a period
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