if you like me you must not know who I am
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
