Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
