But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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