i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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