dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Acid is not a monday night drug
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize