Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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