don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
