Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
