that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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