even my farts smell like vagina
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
