i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
