Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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