saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
