saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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