party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
