I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just want to make out with him forever
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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