can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it glows. i had to have it.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
there is puke in my bra ... again
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