Got a toothbrush?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
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I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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