If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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