i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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