Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
