I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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