last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
