I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
