There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
