I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
