Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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