I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
