I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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