I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
