New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
