I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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