I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
