im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
