Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
he shaved USA in his pubs
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
