He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
