that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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