FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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