That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
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I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
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In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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