I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
