You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
