she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
