Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
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I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
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Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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