I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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