now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
