I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
