so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
and eventually we just all took our pants off
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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