im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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