does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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