the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
