Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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