I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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