I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
