Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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