I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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