what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
it was like eating out sand paper
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
