Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
