I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
