Just mADE A PArabola og urine
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
