I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
we're so committed to being not committed
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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