I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
