how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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