atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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