Why is your signature on my underwear?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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